20. Oh for the sweet love of all that’s holy – it really has been 20 years since I was in high school.
19. Greg Fields will always be funnier than I am.
18. I can still stay up till 2:00! But only if I want the next day to feel like a smack in the head with a shovel.
17. Old crushes never really die, they just kind of…make fun of you now.
16. I was right back then – I DO still like “Cum On Feel the Noize.”
15. If you tell Ryan Joy to follow you out to your folks’ house in the country, know what he is driving, or at least his cell number. Otherwise you may end up circling the parking lot for fifteen minutes, barely missing each other, Abbot-and-Costello style, several times.
14. Mr. Tegethoff, Kelly Smith and I are the only two still cool enough to spend a late night forking your yard.
13. Nobody from back home gives one little crap about Michael Jackson anymore. You can bring up his death if you wanna be startin’ somethin’, but what you’ll get back is only cricket sounds. And one uncomfortable comment from Julie Burris.
12. Free Methodists can grow up to be devilish little things.
11. If you’re coming home at 1:30 a.m. and the porch light has been on since your parents went to bed at 10, you will freak out three large, loud locusts you didn’t see, when you go to open the door. You’ll have to make a few attempts, each time running back into the yard in your high heels wailing, “I just wanna go to bed, you little bastards!” You’ll wonder if you’ll have to sleep in the camper.
10. Remember that picture of you that took you until well past college to forget about? Yeah…that one friend still has a copy.
9. If an old girlfriend remarks, “You haven’t changed at ALL!”, just take the compliment. Replying, “Well…I’m not jealous of you anymore” is likely to just bring the room down.
8. Yearbooks aren’t the best traveling companions. Just bring a few cinder blocks instead. They’re lighter and okay to lose.
7. Samantha Fox’s “Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)” can still bring out the bored biology student in Kit Bowman and me. Who needs a karaoke machine when you’ve got two awesome microscopes and an about-to-graduate sense of invincibility?
6. Kit would no longer even consider pouring any sugar on Joe Elliott.
5. At Lakeside Park, fried chicken and potato chips are a perfectly balanced meal. I need more Lakeside Parks in my current life.
4. Couldn’t Electric Slide then, can’t now. My slide is hopelessly…acoustic?
3. When you pull out a keepsake note to share, passed between a friend and you in government class senior year, read it silently to yourself first. You were just as dumb then as she was.
2. If you’ve done a little film acting, and when asked about it you want to convey that so far they’ve been short, indie films, find better wording than, “They’re not really the kind of movies you’d take the family to see.” Oh…please…just…don’t say that.
1. Call me “citified,” but Kansas is country-er than Roy Clark eating corn pone off a confederate flag.
4 comments:
Jen, your gonna have to explain to me what corn pone is...
Me too. And I'm from KS! You are on my favorites list now Jen. Thanks for the laughs!
Hey, I would TOTALLY go fork a yard!! It is just no longer fun in the desert...too many things sticking spines in you each time you want to stick something in the earth!
Do you remember poka-dotting a house???
Amy
Yes. Yes I do. That would also have been Mr. T's house.
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