I sit near the front door at work. Therefore no one enters or leaves, even for the restroom, without a stroll past Yours Truly. I promised myself early on that someday I'd blog about all the different ways people have of acknowledging me when they walk by my desk. What most don't realize is that I don't require them to do so every single time. For some reason, they must. But after they've already said "good morning" or "hi" when they first see me for the day...it is the passings later on that get tricky.
Here are the highlights. Most don't involve actually looking at me.
1. An annoying fake grin.
2. Repeating my name a few times in a sing-songy way that is more annoying than all the fake grins in the world.
3. Raised eyebrows.
4. Pretending to be captivated by something on the ceiling.
5. Blurting out the slogan from an old T.V. commercial.
6. Pointing out what the weather's doing. The weather I apparently can't see through the large, blindless window directly behind me.
7. Tapping lightly across my desk. With their fingers, not their feet. At least that would be entertaining.
8. Making that clicking tongue sound. Meanwhile, nobody here is a pygmy.
9. Humming or singing to themselves. Hey, it fills the silence. The one I was using to get some work done.
10. An agonizing attempt at humor. Yes, I've actually heard, "Is it Friday yet?" and "Working hard or hardly working?". Then he or she trembles with joy. Good one, you droll devil.
11. Saying something softly enough that they might be talking to themselves, but loudly enough that they might be talking to me. Is it rude to respond? Is it rude not to?
12. Asking how I am. Of course, this is nice. But when I ask the same in return, they often reply with a pleasant "It's Friday" or a flat "It's Monday." One of these days I'm going to greet them with, "What day is it?" and see if I get, "My psoriasis itches like the dickens!"
13. Laughing like a mental patient, by which I mean for no apparent reason. I think this one is my favorite. There's only so many times a girl can take this before she starts to check for the perpetual booger.
14. Sticking their face partway into whatever I'm eating instead of just asking what it is.
15. Asking if I'm bored. If you're offering a solution, I'm afraid you're too late. I WAS bored, until the person before you left bits of spittle and an eyelash in this oatmeal. Now I'm figuring out what to have for breakfast.
16. Announcing how badly they have to go to the bathroom. I would so appreciate more details, but alas, you're in a hurry.
17. Telling me how cold/tired/hungry they are. They all do this. Evidently there's some sort of Alaskan sweat shop back there.
18. Asking if I saw The Biggest Loser last night. I didn't. We will repeat this conversation exactly one week from now.
19. Quipping, "Is it five o'clock yet?" I like to start crying and reply that I can't tell time, and I'm humiliated that they've exposed my private shame.
20. Glancing at my name plate and asking if I have a brother named Harry. Ha-ha! Stop it, you! Go to the head of the class with the Jerry Lewis fans from #10.
3 comments:
The reason I like you is you are so honest.. You just dont see that anymore.. And what do you have against the biggest looser anyway?
Again, do you work here, at my desk??? I'm the receptionist, I talk to tons of people, just because you walk by my desk doesn't mean you have to stop to talk to me. I'm not THAT lonely and desperate. And, don't enter my area. That's why the tape's there, so don't cross it!!! :)
Mandy, Biggest Loser is a great show, I just don't watch it anymore.
Helen, I am so glad somebody out there understands.
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